Friday the 13th generally does not induce any superstitious fears or worry of what the day will bring… although after this past one… I may have some hesitations upon it’s arrival! The one this month was a doozy. I woke up feeling emotional and had an abundance of thoughts running through my mind. It was like every single fear, self-doubt and insecurity decided to pay me a visit all at the same time.
What am I even doing with my work? Am I making any difference at all? How am I serving others and is it enough? Why don’t some people want to be my friend? Why do I have this longing to belong and will it ever go away?
I don’t know where these thoughts were coming from, but apparently I had a lot of issues to work through. I decided I needed to stay at home that morning to focus on self care. I started by writing this on my personal FB page…
Oh female camaraderie… you mysterious beast and elusive wonder. What is it about feeling like you’re part of a group, a tribe, a circle that seems to be an innate desire for women, yet not a big concern for men? Perhaps it stems back to times long gone where women depended on each other and supported one another to raise their families. Now that our modern society does not encompass this group survival mentality, where does the longing come from? Is it the ego that wants to be liked and included? Is it a search for a deeper connection with like minded souls? Maybe it’s simply wanting to share experiences with others, because shared joy expands…
Welcome to my deep thoughts for the morning… yet these thoughts are not new to me. I suppose everyone has their insecurities, but then I ask myself “Why have insecurities? What’s the point?!?!” Maybe the point is to feel those feelings… to work through them. And if they keep coming up, then the work isn’t finished… keep going, keep feeling, keep experiencing the highs and lows… because every emotion felt, every tear shed, every moment of reflection creates the me that I need to be. Emotions are a good thing. They set us apart from other species… and without the sad ones, we wouldn’t know the good. And so it is. What I do know is that I love you all… we have shared lifetimes and moments, and each of you are beautiful. I wish you could all see just how amazing you are. I see it in you. You are so very precious.
After writing this, I heard from a few friends who could relate… I was not alone in these fears. I was also enlightened in learning that men have these same worries/concerns/thoughts. It is not attributed to only women. Men look to belong in a circle of friends just as much as women do (though I imagine the likelihood of them calling it a “circle of friend” is very low!) Underneath it all, we are all the same. Some of us simply verbalize our fears more than others.
One self-care practice that I love to do is intuitive writing. Through the act of writing, I can feel myself truly connecting with my soul… with my inner wisdom. It’s a great way for me to get the thoughts out of my head so I don’t dwell. If you’ve never tried it, I highly recommend it! Through this writing process, I realized that it was my ego that was emerging. I wanted to be wanted… I wanted to be included… even though logically I knew that what I wanted wasn’t right for me. It was a case of “the grass is always greener.” I longed for a small pond, though I know my journey consists of casting a wide net. It always has been, and it most likely always will. I know this is my path. I know this… and yet it had to be worked through again. It was an overall energy shift that needed to happen within myself so I could realize one very important lesson… What other people think of me is NONE OF MY BUSINESS. No matter whether it’s good or bad… other people’s opinions do not define me. As long as I am continually working on living from a place of love, compassion, empathy and kindness, being happy and comfortable within my own skin is the only lesson I need to learn.
As far as work goes, the 13th came and went, and I still wasn’t sure what I was doing it all for. I mean, I love what I do, but how was I serving others? How was I using my gifts to make a difference? About a week later, I found my answer. I was teaching an art class at local library, which offers free classes to its patrons. What a great program! It allowed the participants to try new experiences without a financial investment. The ladies were so sweet and appreciative. While some of them were nervous to get started, they all did so well and enjoyed themselves. It was during this class that I realized why I am doing this work… for fun. That’s it! For fun’s sake!! This is how I am serving. We all need to have more fun, and if I can help provide a fun experience, then by golly, I am honored to help. Personally, I looooove to have fun. It is what I look for most of all in my life. Honestly, there are so many things that I like to do and am interested in exploring, that it’s hard for me to fit it all in… so it makes perfect sense that helping others have some fun is a way that I can serve.
I get to help kids celebrate their birthdays. I love birthdays. Why do we stop throwing ourselves birthday parties when we are adults?? Boring. Let’s celebrate that we get to be alive!
I get to help create memories… between parents and children… between friends… between strangers who somehow conspired to spend those moments together. Dammit I’m so lucky. Shared experiences is what it’s all about, and if those experiences involve a little bit of fun, then that’s a wonderful thing indeed.
What I needed to realize is that each and every way of service is valid. We are not all here to change the world on a monumental scale. Perhaps you’re purpose in life is to ensure your children feel so very loved and cherished… or to be that amazing aunt whose nieces/nephews look forward to spending time with because you make them feel important… or maybe you serve others by being the best version of yourself in spite of your life experiences. Maybe the sharing of your story inspires others to take their own lives by the reigns and create change…
My point is this… you never know the difference you are making in someone else’s life. You are here for a reason… you have gifts that need to be shared, because you are the only one who can provide those gifts in the way that you know how. Now, finding your way to serve may not be easy, but it is part of your life’s journey. I imagine it’s also possible that the way you serve may change over time… and that’s okay.
I’ve been hearing a lot about letting the goal of “feeling good” be the way to success instead of a monetary amount. I think this makes perfect sense, and it’s a good way to find how you can find your passion to serve others. What feels good when you are doing something that helps another person? What lights you up and sparks a curiosity that drives you to learn more? Who knows, maybe by focusing on your own interests and making your self-growth a priority, that may be what inspires and helps others. There is no one more important for you to take care of on this earth than yourself. You. You are the one that deserves your love and dedication first, and only then will you truly be able to serve others with the whole of your being. Follow what feels good and watch how your world unfolds. You may be amazed at the results.
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Ignited Woman Life Coaching ~ Helping women to IGNITE their life and find true freedom in creating a life that truly inspires & delights them.
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